Killing the Ego

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These gods like substances for the powerful medicinal helpful mental healing beings.

Above all other drugs, they should be in a class of their own, including pharmaceuticals (hopefully soon, they will be a pharmaceutical).

They are the mightiest of all chemicals producing life-changing experiences with few side effects.

One experience can last a lifetime, and what other drug can be that beneficial for that long of a time?

But, unfortunately, here is a time in which things took a turn for the worst:

Killing the Ego with Shrooms 

I got these psilocybin mushrooms that were ground up over time into powder.

They were older and just the bottom of what would have been a huge bag of mushrooms.

I got them accessible through a friend who was my friend’s gymnastic boss and best friends with my uncle’s girlfriend.

So with a big smile on my face, I brought them out to my buddy, who lived in a trailer on his parents’ land out in the country.

I made this giant mushroom teapot upon arrival, and I underestimated the number of mushrooms in that ground-up powder.

So we started to drink tea as we watched Alice in Wonderland, the newer one with Jonny Depp (For those who don’t know—the author of the book Alice in Wonderland was Lewis Carroll, and he was tripping all day every day.

He had a rare disorder where he had seen things like people under the influence of potent psychedelics to kill the ego. It would later be called: Alice in Wonderland condition).

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You knew you were in for a good trip in less than twenty minutes when the effects set in.

I recall feeling like I was melting on that clear August night.

It was so hot in that little trailer.

I remember we kept believing his dad was coming over, so we would hide, trying to be very quiet and sneaky.

It wasn’t long again before I felt the melting feeling, and I knew my buddy was on the same spectrum as I could feel his sense, and I knew his thoughts, all of which were scared as fuck.

It was about an hour or two before I immediately regretted using that many mushrooms.

Killing the Ego For the First Time 

I was as scared as the first time I tried them at 16 at the grad party.

I sat by a tree for over 3 hours and did not talk to anyone as I stared into the fire, thinking it was the only safe place.

I was on the same property that night as this experience because it was my friends’ sister’s grad, and it was on their farmland.

I was tripping so hard I recall I felt like Jonny Depp was trying to freak us out while my friend and I held hands, dancing around in a circle.

I soon found myself sitting on the crapper, thinking my body was melting into the toilet. I don’t think I even took a piss that night.

The mushrooms turned on me, and the more I tried to fight back to sobriety, the harder I tripped off my fucking rocker.

I was at the point of no return, and it felt like we were never coming back from that trip.

Before shutting my eyes on that couch, the last thing I remember was accepting the fact that I was about to die.

I think I went through all the emotions attached to grief with losing the battle of life.

I woke up at 7 am the following day, went to work that Sunday, and played baseball that afternoon.

I would not touch mushrooms for almost 3 to 4 years after that transformative experience of killing the ego.

Mushroom dissolves the ego, and it makes you ultra-introspective, so if you are dealing with any mental issues, I would recommend you not take any psychedelics, especially for those who have schizophrenia in your family, as you have the potential to develop the symptoms for schizophrenia in a short time.

Also, they are not meant to be taken with any other substances—especially alcohol.

Finally, one should never take them if you are not in a good headspace, and for your safety, always have a babysitter.

A babysitter is someone who stays sober and can help talk you into a good place.

It would be best if you never took them unless you are guided by a shaman who specializes in that area of ego killing.

Dean Mathers


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